Recently in a meeting, I was asked what is your passion? I had to stop and think. But the answer came to me quickly. It is to see people healed. Since the day I was born again, I have wanted to understand more about God’s healing power both for myself and for others!
I wasn’t one of those kids like many who received Jesus at an early age. The church I attended as a child never taught about being born again. The services were nice and I remember a few scriptures from that time and lots of old hymns which I still love.
After I left home, I left church for about 25 years. I was 47 when a stranger prayed with me to receive the Lord – that was 20 years ago. At that time, I was desperate and in physical and mental pain. My life was a mess. I remember saying to myself, I hope nobody knows I did this. I guess I had heard that born again people were a little weird!
My new friend gave me a Bible and some instructions on reading it. There was no great change at first but I started to desire to go to church. I had heard that there were churches that taught that God has power to heal and I wanted to find that kind of church! I needed healing and I knew lots of others did too.
Finding A Church
I found a church not too far away that met in a school building and I started to learn God’s Word. A few scriptures struck me. They sounded strange to me at first but I wanted all that God could give.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
“We are more than Conquerors through Christ who loves us.”
“No weapon formed against us will prosper.”
“Greater is He that is in me (Jesus) than he that
is in the world” (the devil). (1 John 4:4)
I started to see that scriptures are powerful and God wants us to use them as weapons.
A few months later I found a church in Portland, Maine. My husband David and I lived in Massachusetts, but my parents lived near Portland. David and I had a large sailboat that we kept at DiMillo’s Marina in Portland. I spent many weekends on the boat with my cat or staying with my parents while David worked in New York City.
In this storefront church near Marginal Way, I saw people raising their hands during worship. When some of them prayed it sounded almost musical and poetic. And as I listened, I felt that the pastor was speaking words directly from God. I was fascinated!
After a few Sundays, the pastor spoke of Pentecost and the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t really know what that was all about, but I knew that I needed it, so I went up to receive. Soon I was praying in tongues and learning what this gift was all about.
Emotional Healing Needed
I thought I needed physical healing so I was taking a course in macrobiotics, a Japanese regimen of diet and cooking, from the Kushi Institute. I didn’t understand that what I really needed was emotional healing, God’s power to heal my wounds. I thought I had a physical heart condition, but it was my spiritual heart that needed to change. Few of us get through this life unscathed. Most of us have had some traumatic events in childhood that helped shape us and in some cases devastate our lives.
Not knowing how to handle the pain we become good at burying it, and building walls around our emotions. We take our baggage and wounds into relationships and marriages and we end up as two sick people trying to help each other but not even able to help ourselves. We often turn to alcohol, drugs, workaholism, or sex or more than one of these to alleviate the pain. This is a recipe for disaster!
What I have also learned is that the emotional wounds we suffer have to be treated. When we just bury them, they don’t go away. They turn into fear or erupt into excessive anger or other damaging emotions. Before I started on my journey with God, I was filled with anger. I mainly took it out on my parents, hiding the pain quite well from others. I believe I could have killed someone I was so angry. That is probably why I have compassion for prisoners and want to help them.
If it weren’t for God’s grace, I might be behind bars. Actually I believe I would have been dead years ago. I was so uptight and full of anger.
If emotions don’t erupt and even if they do, they are doing damage. We may cover up our hurt by joking about everything, laughing a lot or criticizing others to make ourselves look better, but the pain is still there.
I believe that holding unforgiveness causes untold damage. When God gives us a directive such as to forgive, it is not because he wants to punish us or let a guilty party get away with something. It is because he knows that our unforgiveness doesn’t harm the other person, who might even be dead by this time, but it does hurt us and can ultimately destroy us. Also, without God’s power, it is virtually impossible to forgive. We may think we have forgiven but the test is are the angry feelings and the hurt truly gone?
God’s Word As a Weapon
God’s Word is a weapon for us to use. His Word never returns void but accomplishes what it is sent to do. Remember how Jesus answered the devil when he tempted Him in the wilderness? He answered the devil using the Word of God with its true intent. (Matthew 4:1-11)
Satan uses God’s Word but he distorts it slightly in an attempt to trick us, since he is the father of lies. When he presents us with one of his propositions, we need to know what God’s Word really says, so we can make the right choice. Satan disguises himself as an angel of light and he knows our weaknesses. But God has always prepared us a way of escape. (John 8:44, 2 Corinthians 11:14, 1 Corinthians 10:13)
Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and to set the captives free. He came to bring us everlasting life. The amazing thing is that Jesus told us that we could do the same things that He did here on earth. In fact, He said that we would do even greater things using His powerful name. What did He do? He laid hands on the sick and they were healed; He cast out devils; He brought dead people back to life. (Luke 4:18, John 14:12, read the Gospels)
Actually, I believe that God’s transformation of a life is His greatest miracle. It is a gradual but a revolutionary process. It is a process that never ceases as long as we live. I liken it to peeling the layers off an onion.
He wants us to build our relationship with Him, get healed of our deepest wounds so we can help others. He wants us to serve Him and fulfill the purpose He has for our lives. We will never be satisfied with that new house, more possessions or a better job. True satisfaction comes from serving Him. He didn’t cause our pain and mistakes but He wants us to use these experiences for His glory. He wants us to show others that there is hope and healing through Christ Jesus.
God wants to start that healing in you today. He wants to touch those broken places in your life. When they are healed, you won’t need to hide them anymore. The memories will return, but less frequently. And the miracle will be that when they do return, you won’t feel the pain!
I would like us to pray together … let God’s healing hand reach in and touch those broken places. (If you haven’t prayed them already, please pray the prayers at the end of Part 2-2.)
Dear Father in Heaven –
Your Word says that You love me with an everlasting love.
I believe that, but now I need to feel it in my heart.
I’ve been rejected, hurt, abused and have built a wall around my heart
to protect myself from being hurt again.
I want that unconditional love that You have promised.
Take my anger and fear and demolish those walls
so I can love others as You love me.
DLH – November 27, 2005
Canaan Union Church